I think there are many in the church who underestimate the importance of fellowship, i.e., spending time with someone in the effort to get to know them better. A number of the colleagues that I know will go to presbytery, and then as soon as the meeting is over, they bolt off. They either go back to their hotel room or they get on the road to head home. From one vantage point I understand this type of response. Presbytery meetings can be long, drawn out, tedious affairs. After meeting from 9am to 9pm you want to get to your hotel room, relax, and get some rest. Or after two days of meetings, you want to get on the road as quickly as possible so you can get home. You still might have to finish your sermon, or perhaps you live at some distance and want to arrive home at a decent hour. There are, however, really important benefits to fellowshipping with your colleagues. One excellent example comes to mind—in this particular case we can say that a footnote became flesh and blood. Let me explain.
I know of a situation where we had concluded our business for the day and a number of us wanted to gather for post-meeting fellowship. We found an establishment and occupied a table on the patio. There were a few ministers who had recently been ordained, and they engaged in conversation with a number of us. As I sat there I overheard a number of different conversation threads, some serious, others mundane, and others peppered with hearty laughter. One particular conversation caught my ear over the noisy din of chatter, namely, one where a seasoned colleague was explaining some finer theological points to one of the newly ordained ministers. Once the evening ended, this new minister approached my colleague and said something along the following lines: “Before I met you tonight you were just a footnote in one of my seminary papers. I cited your work and engaged it critically and uncharitably. In fact, I’m somewhat embarrassed about what I wrote. After meeting you, I definitely understand your opinion better and will change my paper! I’m so glad we had the opportunity to talk. I hope we get to talk more in the future.” A footnote became flesh and blood. Through some informal fellowship to ministers had the opportunity to talk, have an informative discussion, and even correct erroneous misperceptions. Apart from this fellowship, this young minister might have continued in his incorrect opinions.
If the only time you interact with your fellow colleagues is at meetings of presbytery or consistory as you’re debating difficult matters, you’ll find it difficult to get along with them. You need to create a broader context, one where you can relate to your colleagues about life, challenges, theology, sports, and the like. You just might find that someone you think you don’t like will become a good friend.